The slow

I'm not impressed with our progress on debt or with the penny-pinching lifestyle.

It seems like we are living pretty dramatically different, but my debt is not dramatically smaller. It doesn't seem like it will dramatically smaller anytime soon.

I guess on the positive side we are not adding more debt. Um, that doesn't feel like much to celebrate.

I've got 11 dollars in spending money for the next week. I don't have any savings. It feels bleak.

Right, the "sucks" part

I'm feeling annoyed about our budget and debt and lack of spending money.

The other night partner was in a terrible mood and she said "I hate the budget, I want a haircut, I want some clothes." Our wardrobes are pretty sad, even by low budget standards.

Yesterday was payday and somehow I spend too much of spending money already. (10.00 extra on the babysitter's going away present, $5.00 so the babysitter could take kid out, $7.00 for lunch for me)

We ran out of groceries, so that created a problem for lunches.

Anyway, its annoying. I personally would also like a frozen yogurt right now, but I've got 13 days to go on $25.00.

We also used to get awesome amazing sushi on Friday nights. Today, pasta with a can of diced tomatoes.

We are paying for some bad spending choices earlier in the month also. Hi, smartphone.

Anyhow, normally we would fill up the cars with gas, buy the babysitter an awesome gift, and have a sensational dinner. Sometimes it just feels disapointing.

I guess in the big picture I will be happier if we can pay off this debt but it seems like a long way away.

Emptying the Tin

I haven't written, maybe because I have been spending money. I haven't BORROWED any more money, but we used up the Wedding Fund (for October out of town wedding), so that is not great. We went under budget on gas, so that helped.

We spontaneously spent our whole gift fund (plus some) when there was a tragedy in our community and we felt compelled to respond. I'm okay with that. It was actually a weird feeling because for unforeseen expenses, we paid cash. I still can't believe that.

So payday is Thursday and I think we can stretch until then. We don't have our savings funds but at least no borrowing!

Hey Big Spender

Tonight I get to spend some money. I am taking my sister out to dinner to celebrate my raise. It was planned and budgeted for. You know what, it DOES feel better that way.

We also got good news that the daycare center can accept our daughter for 5 days a week. This is cheaper but also alot easier to manage because it is all payroll deductions. No more scrambling for cash or waiting for checks to clear from the babysitter.

All in all, good week so far. We are still within our budget. I haven't spend ANY of my spending allowance since Saturday. If these tanks of gas last, we might just make it!

It's for me

I feel like I should apologize for such a boring blog. I am writing here every day as a way of accounting for my spending. It is just not very exciting stuff.

I can't believe we haven't spent any money today either.

Lots of conversations last night about how we are not doing the jobs we care the most about (activism) because of our debt. Really really wanting to be free from this. I know it is a long haul.

It just is. If we can get through one whole pay period without borrowing money (including from ourselves) that would be really awesome. It may never have happened before. Seriously.

Barely

We made it through the weekend with only spending $20.00. We still haven't borrowed any money. I'm just not sure we are going to make it to next pay period.

Putting aside a "budget" for groceries and random spending is great and theory and sucks in practice. It is a lot easier to write out an amount on a spreadsheet then it is to actually stick to it. It means not buying what you want. It means buying things of lesser quality. It means being inconvenienced to not have the quickest option.

I'm not one of those people who enjoys frugality.

Oh right, real life

The bliss from the raise, emergency fund, and suprise check in the mail was smudged today with real life.

First, partner misjudged the expense of the vet visit by $140.00. She forgot he needed his 3 year shots, and not the cheaper one year shots.

Then, when I was changing the budget to reflect this (lowering the emergency savings), I realized that I accidently left a line out of the budget for the cash I had taken out to pay the daycare provider. Even though its a regular expense, I completely forgot that to list it in my budget. So I thought we had $180.00 dollars more then we did for this pay period. Total miscalculations was 320.00. Ouch.

I eliminated some things from the budget I thought we could postpone, but the math is still not right. Not sure what I will do yet, but most likely take from the vacation savings money.

Sucks. Our fault. But this is why we are in debt---Doing a terrible job of managing our money.

I wish the feeling flush could have lasted a few days longer. But that is the reality: We are not flush.

Paid down some debt!

I did not borrow any money today.

What's more, I paid down some debt. Now I am impatient to find out the new numbers from my credit card company so I can total them up. (My guess is that I paid down about $500.00 or so)

I also started a savings tin for an upcoming out of town wedding we are going to. In July, we went to a wedding and afterwords I couldn't believe how much we spent. Just spending money without even looking (or thinking about!) what we could afford.

In fact, I remember trying to decide how much money to give as a gift and thinking "Oh, I will just throw that extra $50.00 on top of that" (Math doesn't matter when you have seemingly unlimited credit!)

This time, I am going to save ahead of time and pay cash for everything.

One Day at a Time

Partner and I had a good discussion last night about how we might need some sobriety/12 step models for our financial problems.

I thought about this blog, and how I want to write every day "I did not borrow any money today." That is my "one day at a time" approach.

In other news, I found a surprise when I went to get the mail today. I often joke to my partner "Maybe there will be money in the mail!" and of course there never is. So today, three days into my money sobriety journey, there is a check for $2,000 from my parents for the medical expense I have. Not a loan, just a check to pay for the medically necessary equipment I need.
I don't know if I feel right about cashing it. It is my fault that I don't have the $2,000 to pay this expense myself. Truthfully, it is something I should have been saving for already.

On the other hand, is it foolish when you are in so much debt to turn down such a generous gift?
I'm just not sure.

I am happy to report that I did not borrow any money today.

Raise

We made it to payday without borrowing any more money! Hooray.

I got a $10,000 raise, which will help pay more towards the debt. The retroactive raise amount will be the start of our emergency fund, which I am happy about. I've never had an emergency fund because I always thought it would be better to apply that money towards the debt. Which never really worked.

But I'm keeping mind that old adage that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insanity. So, something different!

Turtles

My rent check did not bounce! Okay, I've never bounced a rent check. It felt different today though. There was something satisfying about seeing my rent check clear today. Normally, I use different amounts of credit to make up the difference in all my bills and expenses-- a complicated time consuming system of jostling money around. Yesterday, I went to bed knowing that if the rent check was cashed, I would wake up to a balance of $8.86. Seeing it made the money feel more real. I also did not spend any money today. It is very unusual for me to be able to say that!

I felt more optimistic today. I looked at my old money journals from 2004-2007 and I saw how I once chipped away at debt, little by little. I was doing really well for a while there (before fertility and child expenses). I realized that I made progress on that debt, slowly.....slowly. There was no magic bullet, no unexpected source of money that helped me out. I lived frugally and put everything I could towards the debt and watched it go down.

So that gave me hope for this time. I am going to try to avoid short term solutions (like borrowing from my 401k) and just focus on slow continuous progress.

My partner said she will send me pictures of turtles for inspiration! Slow but steady wins the race!

I did not increase my debt today!

$10.00 on 2, Please

Our budget hit problems on day one. Partner forgot she was supposed to contribute money for a baby shower at work.

I forgot we are supposed to bring a vegetable tray to the kid's daycare picnic tomorrow.

And the gas tank was empty.

I realized that I overestimated the amount of money I borrowed from my kid's savings account, which meant I could still borrow $76.00 more without REALLY increasing the debt total I wrote yesterday. (sick. rationalizing. etc) At least I didn't use the credit card, right? (I have about 30K in credit).

I realized I could fill the gas tank or the rent check would bounce. For the first time in probably 10 years I walked into the gas station and said "Give me $10.00 on 2 please."

Normally I just put it on the debit card and let the chips fall. But as you can see from the previous post, this has not been a financially sound approach.

We found out that the daycare center STILL does not have an opening on Friday, so come September we have to find a new babysitter (more expensive then the center).

I wonder if there are ever days that are like "Wow, this day was financially BETTER then I thought!"

About $28,000 or so.....

This is the begining of my debt blog. I've tried lots of approaches to get out of debt and nothing works. So this is something new to try.

Step One: Admit I am powerless and my life has become unmanageable. Or something. I feel powerless. I've had a debt problem since I was 21 and I have never solved it. Clearly, its unmanageable.

It seems like these blogs start out with details about the actual debt. According to the financial experts, it is important that we really really know how much money we are talking about.

Here is a snapshot of the financial mess I share with my partner:

Credit Card Debt 1 (Fertility Expenses and Overspending): $9,175.46
Credit Card Debt 2 (Wedding Expenses and Overspending): $9,695.58
Credit Card Debt 3 (Car Repair and Overspending) 1,875,81
Credit Card Debt 4 (Overspending): $1,900
Debt on a Personal Loan: $3,200 (Paid back thru Bi-weekly payments of $200.00 directly out of my paycheck)
Debt on money borrowed from my 2 year olds savings: $1,300
(It sickens me that I wrote the above category):
Debt on a Medical Bill (Interest Free): 737.00

Total Debt: 27,883.85
Amount in 401k: 14,995.
Amount in Savings: ZERO.

It is really frightening. You know what is more frightening? I am leaving student loans off this list (for now).

I don't even know what to say. In many areas of my life I feel determined, successful, and tenacious. But this debt thing has been around my neck for 18 years. It is not getting better. Each time I try to tackle this I feel determined and energetic about making changes. But it never sticks. It is hard to feel any optimism when every attempt fails.

I'm feeling sort of desperate and really want my financial life to be different. I've been reading Blogging Away Debt and am so impressed by the success of these bloggers. I thought I could at least give this a try. Nothing else has worked.